Our Relational Health

Reading: Genesis 3:6-19

⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realised that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. ⁸ Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ ¹⁰ He answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’ ¹¹ And he said, ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree from which I commanded you not to eat?’ ¹² The man said, ‘The woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.’ ¹³ Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘What is this you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The snake deceived me, and I ate.’ ¹⁴ So the Lord God said to the snake, ‘Because you have done this, ‘Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. ¹⁵ And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.’ ¹⁶ To the woman he said, ‘I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labour you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’ ¹⁷ To Adam he said, ‘Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, “You must not eat from it,” ‘Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. ¹⁸ It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field ¹⁹ By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.

Teaching

So after last week’s break for our family services, we are now back again looking at Transformation; how God’s desire and plan is to transform not just our hearts, but actually our minds, and everything about us. And actually, as we all move this week into the period of Lent, it is a period of reflection for us individually and as a church. If Lent doesn’t change us then why on earth do we have 40 days of Lent. It can’t just be about giving up chocolate. That’s again the world trying to pollute and dilute the name of jesus. God wants to shape us each day folks, not just on that 1 hour each Sunday. It’s how we walk authentically every day so that the world around us can see the hope that is in us.
So today we are going to consider another aspect of transformation – our relational health, our relationships with one another. And we are specifically going to think about how we deal with fears that often ruin our relationships. Now the truth of the matter is that if you have breath in your body, then at some point in your life, you are going to have relationships with people that aren’t very loving. None of us will have a life full of perfect relationships, and that’s because all of us are broken. Our sin means that at times we want only what we want, and we don’t think about the other person. Who would have thought that in the week when I would be preaching on transforming our relationships, we would have the experience of seeing a total relationship breakdown in the Oval Office on Friday night. It was so horrible to watch. But I will leave that for political analysts to discuss and not me.
But today we are going to look back at how the breakdown of relationships began at the start of creation and learn from this example and how it says everything about all relationship issues.
So here we are in Genesis 3. Adam was lonely. He needed a partner. And its perfection as God planned it. But the deceiver, the destroyer, Satan, was given the will to step into this perfect life. You see God never wants us to just be robots for him, programmed only to do what he wants. He loved humanity so much that we wanted them to choose and decide what was right and what was wrong. And so, Satan steps in and tempts with options that are so hard to walk away from. And so, the woman goes first. But let’s be clear, because very often men are quick to blame the woman. Adam knew what he was doing. He can’t put the blame on someone else. He had a free will to choose. And so the relationship with each other is broken and the relationship with God is broken, not of God’s doing but of humanity’s doing.
And so today I want us to think a little about 3 fears that there are with relationships – and this can be any type of relationship, whether work, school, home, family, friends whatever.
1. Is the fear of being exposed
Isn’t it true that we think that if people knew us, and who we really were inside this exterior, they may not like what they see.
If we are honest about ourselves, there are things about ourselves that we really don’t like. And that’s a major part of the human condition. We want to be liked and accepted. And so if people get close to the real me, they’re going to see everything – warts and everything, all the failings in my life. We see it in our reading as God calls out to the man, and he replies that the reason he couldn’t be found was because he had hidden and was frightened due to his nakedness. God is calling out to find Adam, but the truth was that he already knew where he was and he knew why he was hiding. It’s a bit like us parents if we have children. As parents we already know what they have done but we are hoping that they will be honest with us, to take responsibility for their actions.
Folks, the only way that we are going to see transformation really take place in our lives and in our relationships is if we are willing to stand up and say that we aren’t what we ought to be or what we want to be. If we are in denial, there’s no room for transformation. What did Adam say? ‘I was afraid, and I hid’. Fear always causes us to hide. So, what are you not being honest about today in your relationships? Are you walking into church today and not actually admitting how you really are feeling about different situations? What are you denying as an issue in your marriage? What are you pretending is not a problem in your life? Admit it before the Lord. Don’t hide like Adam. Bring it to the Lord. He already knows about it, but he wants you to be honest with him. The Lord wants us to lay ourselves open to him. Coming to Jesus with all of our burdens means that we acknowledge them first and lay them before the great healer. That’s why we offer prayer ministry, because we can’t journey this life in our own strength – we need to admit our challenges before God and allows brothers & sisters to come along side us and pray for healing – healing in our marriages, healing in relationships with work or family, healing in relationships with people who have hurt us. Surely the place where you can be most honest is the Church? Remember that Church is not an organisation you join; it’s a family where you belong, a home where you are loved and a hospital where you find healing.
2. The next thing about our relationships, is that if there is brokenness, we can become very defensive
When someone says something that we don’t like, we go on the attack against them don’t we? It’s no longer about hiding, but it’s now hurting others. Verse 11 God asks, “Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Adam’s not actually blaming his wife at this point, he’s blaming God. He says, “The woman YOU put here with me”. If you hadn’t given her to me, I wouldn’t have this problem. But neither was Eve willing to accept the responsibility. When asked by God, Eve says, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” When someone confronts you about something, do you go on the defensive and begin to fight? Is it the fear of being found out? But remember that in Christ we live without any condemnation. So whilst Satan wants you to get all defensive and annoyed, God wants you to open it before him so that healing can be achieved. Stop blaming, stop pointing the finger at someone else. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
So if that’s what happens when relationships break down, how can God transform this? As our series suggests, the word Transformation doesn’t necessarily mean an overnight change. It could mean a lifetime of change. And so it is with relationships – it can take a long time for our attitudes to people to change as God shapes us, but that folks is key. In this process of transformation, we have got to live in God’s love. 1 John 4:18 says ‘Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love takes away fear’. Adam and Eve had broken their relationship with God, but they didn’t have to hide from God, and yet that’s what sin does. It tells us that we are to hide. It tells us that we shouldn’t try to go back and resolve those relationships. And yet God says that even the darkness isn’t dark to him. In other words, he wants us to come out of our place of fear, and step into his light. You see relationship breakdown will only ever be resolved when we see God’s love for us. When we realise just how far the depth of his love is for us, then we step out and allow our weaknesses to receive his strengthening. And in his love, we can begin to transform those relationships. Now I just want to say briefly that there are always going to be relationships that you have to walk away from because of its manipulation, and whilst we might want transformation to take place, the other person’s objective is to bring you down. Therefore, don’t put yourself in a place of vulnerability where the other person uses it to bring you further damage.
So, let’s think now about how we seek that transformation in ourselves for our relationships with others.
Firstly, each day, surrender your heart to God. You might remember a few weeks ago I taught on the 23rd Psalm and said each morning to waken up with those words, “Surely your goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life”. And because we can be so sure of God’s mercy over us, then as we waken each morning, before the world begins to take over our priorities for that day, say to God, “God may you be in the centre of my emotions, I want to surrender my heart to you, be the thoughts in my head”. Here’s some teaching that was given to Job. Job 11:13

If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer!
14 Get rid of your sins, and leave all iniquity behind you.
15 Then your face will brighten with innocence.
You will be strong and free of fear.
16 You will forget your misery; it will be like water flowing away.
17 Your life will be brighter than the noonday.
Even darkness will be as bright as morning.
18 Having hope will give you courage.
You will be protected and will rest in safety.
You see in our relationships with others, the only person that we can truly change is ourselves, but as we align ourselves daily and surrender our hearts, a transformation takes place.
2. The second thing that might seem so obvious is this – remember every day that God loves you
So why is that important to my relationships. Well, if you don’t know how much God loves you, then it will impact on the way you love others. If I don’t realise how far God was willing to forgive me, then I sure won’t consider how far I need to forgive the other person. Do you know today how much you are loved by God? I don’t think some of you do. Isaiah 54:10 God says “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken”. You know something folks, God has every right to abandon every one of us for how we have betrayed him and how we have treated others, and yet he says that his unfailing love for us will never be shaken. So why do you think that you should bear a grudge for another person if that’s the case? Do you think that’s right if we ourselves claim Romans 8 that there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Very often we want to remind people of the hurt that they once caused to us. But what does Jesus do, he releases it all. So let that prompt us in how we should be with others.

3. And so in light of all of that, the third thing to consider is that we are to offer that same love to others
Hear this carefully. John 13:14 Jesus says, “I’m giving you a new commandment, that you love each other, in the same way as I have loved you”. Look, Jesus is not suggesting something to us. It’s a new commandment. So, let’s put that into context. We had the 10 commandments, and we use them as a plumbline for life. Well now Jesus gives us a new commandment. It’s not optional. It’s not only for those that like us and we like them. No, if we are a follower of Christ then I have got to love them. It doesn’t mean I have to like them. There are people who don’t like me. There have been people who have tried to wreck my reputation as a minister. There are people who have told lies about me. There are people who I am going to get annoyed with. But Christ says you are called to love one another. Even as Jesus was dying on the cross, he still loved those persecuting him. Romans 15:7 tells us that we are to accept one another just as Christ accepted you. It means that if I am loving someone because Christ accepted me, how can I not accept them. At wedding services, I sometimes take the famous 1 Corinthians 13 passage which by the way was used to deal with quarrelling and arguing in the church. But here is what love says. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. So how can we use that in our relationships with others?
You have got to extend grace to people, even though they don’t deserve it. It means that we are willing to protect the other person and not try to take them down with revenge. Love means that we believe and trust in the person, that God will do an incredible thing in their lives. It means that love always expects the best in a relationship that there is hope. And love endures the worst, it perseveres, it never gives us. Someone can throw everything at us, but we are going to keep loving that person no matter what. You can’t do that in your own strength, but if we are being transformed by his love, then we will pour it out on others.